I get many questions about the most basic aspects of sex from Indians. I mean basic. Last week I found myself waking out of a dream that had me writing a sex manual, no a modern Kama Sutra, for Indians. I would get a grant from some of my wealthy friends who would support this kind of project. A big grant. I would write a great, witty yet brilliant book for every Indian whether they lived in a village at the edge of Pakistan or Bangla or in a big city like Delhi. It would be FREE TO ANYONE WHO WANTED IT. I wouldn’t put my name on it both out of an attitude of ‘give-away’ and in fear that there might be some kind of backlash against me! It would be printed and handed out through women’s unions, NGOs, handi-craft organizations and health care initiatives. Women would have to keep it secret but they would talk about it when the men were gone doing what ever it is they do during the day.
My daughter Dawn, whom I’m traveling with in India, laughed at me when I told her my idea. “What am I thinking, she asks?” “How can that possibly happen?”
I guess she is right, though I have to admit I like the idea a lot. How do we help when we see something that is in need of help? Someone said that ‘All the suffering in the world is caused by un-happy people’. If we can help people be happy, if we can supply a possibility to them, if we can provide a ‘vehicle’ by which to transport someone then why shouldn’t we try? I know that it would ‘gum up the works’ so to speak. Cause a mini-revolution in a way, but why not? I don’t much like the way the world is going, anyway. Why not supply knowledge and understanding and happiness. The paths are many but the destination is always the same – empowerment and happiness leads to compassion and LOVE. Then maybe war wouldn’t take hold of us so strongly. We would be happy people and that would lead to much less suffering.
Love,
Suzie
11/18/07
India Journal - I'm Having a Hard Time With...
It is very difficult for me to see how a Hindu in India could have ever, at one time, understood, embraced and practiced the Kama Sutra let alone the Tantric Arts. It is as though sexuality, regardless of any sacred aspect, is something so course here that it has been reduced to staring at women’s breasts, teasing and intimidating and generally playing for the fool any woman who might happen to simply walk by. It’s very hard to handle.
I have my tall, gorgeous, twenty-three year old daughter with me as I’m traveling through India. She is an intrepid traveler, going places on her own I could only dream of being brave enough to go to but she is often brought to her edge by Indian men. And women. The men won’t let her be. There is always some man, young or old, who is outright staring at her, bumping her or harassing her. It’s sad and alarming. It makes travel here uncomfortable a lot of the time. I even get some of it myself, at my age. It has put us in deep wonder about women’s lives here.
Women in the villages and small towns, which is most women, won’t come out of their dark, smoky, hidden little kitchens if the men are around. They won’t look at you, acknowledge you or stick around if we two women come near. If the men are gone to the fields or away sitting talking with other men, which is what they all seem to be doing all of the time in the cities, all breaks open with the women. They come out – really OUT. It’s like night and day.
So many times while traveling we have had this same thing happen. The women are chatty, curious and aggressive – to the point of being scary sometimes – but only if their men are far away. We have been pinched, poked, prodded and cajoled. We have been asked to give up our clothing, jewelry, scarves, pens and anything else that appealed and looked like something they could tell a good story about later. Luckily, we all have laughed together a lot, too, during these encounters. You have to be able to laugh – a lot – at yourself and at the situation. It is the best policy by far.
But what does this mean for their intimate lives? And how, as women, do we understand and accept the fact that in EVERY family, whether villagers or city folk, there is NEVER more than one girl among the children? There are always three to four or more boys of varying ages but never more than one girl. She is often the oldest or second to oldest, too.
What this tells us is that Indian women, whether Hindu or Muslim, must decide how to let their girls go. They get to keep one, only one. Older is better as she’ll be of valuable help to the mother, but after SHE is born there must be now only boys. Can you even imagine what that must feel like? I can’t even fathom it. I’m the mother of three girls and no boys. When I say that, which I do often, I get a sad, poor me kind of face from everyone. I am defective they think. How is this possible, they are wondering.
Imagine killing your daughters. You get just one, remember. Do you give that first one you don’t get to keep to your powerful mother-in-law, who had to do the same with her ‘extra’ girls? Do you be brave and leave her outside, under a bush, away from your home a bit, so you won’t think about it? How can you not think about it? Ever. What about the next and the next? How many times does an Indian woman have to do this in her life? She has to live through nine months of a pregnancy then, not knowing if it is a girl or that wanted boy, go through birth just to have a fifty-percent chance of starting all over again, very soon, to try again for that boy. If there are an average of four boys in a family and one girl then she might have had to do it maybe four or five times in her life. Just don’t attend the new baby girl - leave her, nature will do the rest. Does that make the one girl that does get to survive thankful – is she burdened at a very young age with that thought?
It is all too much for me sometimes. I can’t fathom it. It is because of money – the dowry. It is a burden on families to have to come up with a big pay-off for the girl to get married. Sometimes, even after that, the family is haunted by their new in-laws and their daughter’s husband to give more – the first wasn’t enough. It can drive women to suicide or worst, murder on the part of the husband or his family.
I know that balance is within me. I know that everything is perfect, just the way it is. The Universe is perfect. And yet, I can’t balance this. It doesn’t compute. Sorry for my rants. I know it isn’t very ‘sexy’ but it is THE WAY in the land of the Kama Sutra. I am wondering about sex now. What is that like for Indian men and women?
Love,
Suzie
I have my tall, gorgeous, twenty-three year old daughter with me as I’m traveling through India. She is an intrepid traveler, going places on her own I could only dream of being brave enough to go to but she is often brought to her edge by Indian men. And women. The men won’t let her be. There is always some man, young or old, who is outright staring at her, bumping her or harassing her. It’s sad and alarming. It makes travel here uncomfortable a lot of the time. I even get some of it myself, at my age. It has put us in deep wonder about women’s lives here.
Women in the villages and small towns, which is most women, won’t come out of their dark, smoky, hidden little kitchens if the men are around. They won’t look at you, acknowledge you or stick around if we two women come near. If the men are gone to the fields or away sitting talking with other men, which is what they all seem to be doing all of the time in the cities, all breaks open with the women. They come out – really OUT. It’s like night and day.
So many times while traveling we have had this same thing happen. The women are chatty, curious and aggressive – to the point of being scary sometimes – but only if their men are far away. We have been pinched, poked, prodded and cajoled. We have been asked to give up our clothing, jewelry, scarves, pens and anything else that appealed and looked like something they could tell a good story about later. Luckily, we all have laughed together a lot, too, during these encounters. You have to be able to laugh – a lot – at yourself and at the situation. It is the best policy by far.
But what does this mean for their intimate lives? And how, as women, do we understand and accept the fact that in EVERY family, whether villagers or city folk, there is NEVER more than one girl among the children? There are always three to four or more boys of varying ages but never more than one girl. She is often the oldest or second to oldest, too.
What this tells us is that Indian women, whether Hindu or Muslim, must decide how to let their girls go. They get to keep one, only one. Older is better as she’ll be of valuable help to the mother, but after SHE is born there must be now only boys. Can you even imagine what that must feel like? I can’t even fathom it. I’m the mother of three girls and no boys. When I say that, which I do often, I get a sad, poor me kind of face from everyone. I am defective they think. How is this possible, they are wondering.
Imagine killing your daughters. You get just one, remember. Do you give that first one you don’t get to keep to your powerful mother-in-law, who had to do the same with her ‘extra’ girls? Do you be brave and leave her outside, under a bush, away from your home a bit, so you won’t think about it? How can you not think about it? Ever. What about the next and the next? How many times does an Indian woman have to do this in her life? She has to live through nine months of a pregnancy then, not knowing if it is a girl or that wanted boy, go through birth just to have a fifty-percent chance of starting all over again, very soon, to try again for that boy. If there are an average of four boys in a family and one girl then she might have had to do it maybe four or five times in her life. Just don’t attend the new baby girl - leave her, nature will do the rest. Does that make the one girl that does get to survive thankful – is she burdened at a very young age with that thought?
It is all too much for me sometimes. I can’t fathom it. It is because of money – the dowry. It is a burden on families to have to come up with a big pay-off for the girl to get married. Sometimes, even after that, the family is haunted by their new in-laws and their daughter’s husband to give more – the first wasn’t enough. It can drive women to suicide or worst, murder on the part of the husband or his family.
I know that balance is within me. I know that everything is perfect, just the way it is. The Universe is perfect. And yet, I can’t balance this. It doesn’t compute. Sorry for my rants. I know it isn’t very ‘sexy’ but it is THE WAY in the land of the Kama Sutra. I am wondering about sex now. What is that like for Indian men and women?
Love,
Suzie
11/2/07
I'm in India at the temples in the town of Khajuraho
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10/4/07
Alchemy – A powerful transformation that is a universal cure for the body, mind and spirit.
How does one become an alchemist? In what ways have you transformed yourself? Have you moved through a restraint, a negative personal experience or a handicap that has informed you on a new level? Have you been an alchemist in your life?
Mother Gaia is moving once more through the seasons with the Equinox having just passed. For some of us the nights will grow shorter and the season will move to Spring and then Summer. For others of us the nights will be longer and we will move into the darkness of Fall and then Winter. This is a potent alchemical time whichever season you are moving into. Change is a-foot and the opportunity to create transformation is close. I’m sure you can feel its presence.
It is a potent practice to understand how you personally move through change. In this busy world you probably barely have time to get your bed made let alone take some time to be with change. It tends to happen to you instead of you guiding yourself to and through it. Being aware of the times, moments, situations that have the potential to transform us is a learned mastery but there are ways to facilitate the change so that it is transformational and expansive. Understanding your own nature – what feels good and right to you – is one of the highest accomplishments you can perform in your life.
Each breath you take is an alchemical process. You take in the life giving air and your body uses it in a myriad of ways to give your cells the nourishment they need to sustain you. Your out-breath, in turn, nourishes plant life and the processes that are outside of ‘you’. Yet these processes are you. You are tied to the bigger picture. You are an alchemist in nature.
When you pause during your day to just ‘be’ with all that is going on in your world you are being an alchemist. You are taking everything in and allowing a moment for integration to occur. Your yoga, meditation or even exercise practice is alchemical. Many different processes are going on in your body/mind/spirit during activities like these even if it is simply five minutes of presences and awareness of what ‘is’.
In your deepest relationships you are the alchemist when you choose compassion and love in the face of adversity and angst. Seeing through a lover’s complaint to the hurt is alchemy. Holding an aging parent’s hand through a difficult transition with patience rather than guilt or resentment is alchemy. Learning new things in the face of not really knowing why you must do it is alchemy. Every moment has the possibility of being the Alchemist’s tool for transformation.
Creating a practice of noticing more often when alchemy is happening and how to actually court it is the process of becoming the best ‘you’ you can be. Acknowledge it when you see it. Call it to you when you can’t see it. Create ritual to acknowledge alchemical transformation. Cultivate consciousness at your source – you are the source.
Mother Gaia is moving once more through the seasons with the Equinox having just passed. For some of us the nights will grow shorter and the season will move to Spring and then Summer. For others of us the nights will be longer and we will move into the darkness of Fall and then Winter. This is a potent alchemical time whichever season you are moving into. Change is a-foot and the opportunity to create transformation is close. I’m sure you can feel its presence.
It is a potent practice to understand how you personally move through change. In this busy world you probably barely have time to get your bed made let alone take some time to be with change. It tends to happen to you instead of you guiding yourself to and through it. Being aware of the times, moments, situations that have the potential to transform us is a learned mastery but there are ways to facilitate the change so that it is transformational and expansive. Understanding your own nature – what feels good and right to you – is one of the highest accomplishments you can perform in your life.
Each breath you take is an alchemical process. You take in the life giving air and your body uses it in a myriad of ways to give your cells the nourishment they need to sustain you. Your out-breath, in turn, nourishes plant life and the processes that are outside of ‘you’. Yet these processes are you. You are tied to the bigger picture. You are an alchemist in nature.
When you pause during your day to just ‘be’ with all that is going on in your world you are being an alchemist. You are taking everything in and allowing a moment for integration to occur. Your yoga, meditation or even exercise practice is alchemical. Many different processes are going on in your body/mind/spirit during activities like these even if it is simply five minutes of presences and awareness of what ‘is’.
In your deepest relationships you are the alchemist when you choose compassion and love in the face of adversity and angst. Seeing through a lover’s complaint to the hurt is alchemy. Holding an aging parent’s hand through a difficult transition with patience rather than guilt or resentment is alchemy. Learning new things in the face of not really knowing why you must do it is alchemy. Every moment has the possibility of being the Alchemist’s tool for transformation.
Creating a practice of noticing more often when alchemy is happening and how to actually court it is the process of becoming the best ‘you’ you can be. Acknowledge it when you see it. Call it to you when you can’t see it. Create ritual to acknowledge alchemical transformation. Cultivate consciousness at your source – you are the source.
10/2/07
A Simple Practice to Expand Pleasure
The whole body, and every inch of skin, is the most complex erogenous zone there is. There are men and women who can orgasm just by touching a specific spot on their body without any genital touching. You can train yourself to activate your skin, or any other part of your body, to assist in orgasmic pleasure. Engaging the mind in this practice will help improve your ability to expand your experience, too.
When you are in sexual activity, and especially during genital stimulation, try adding a new erogenous spot to your repertoire so that your brain will connect that spot with pleasure in the future. Consciously focus on the touch you are receiving in that new area and spread the feeling throughout your body by visualizing the expansion. An example of this would be gently massaging and stroking the breasts, and area between the breasts where the heart chakra is, while pleasuring the yoni or lingam. By doing this you will be spreading the erotic energy to the chest and body cavity and you will be putting focus away from the genitals. This activates the heart area. When next the heart is stroked it is a good bet that the person will feel the expansion of energy in their genitals, too. By expanding these practices the concepts of what is erotic and pleasurable expand limitlessly to include that which wouldn't normally look or feel erotic. That is the realm of transformation to full embodiment of finding pleasure in places that you wouldn't normally look for it. It is everywhere all at once and in everything you do.
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