Eyes Wide Open

What a great photo! This is taken on May 18th 2008 at the Cannes Film Festival.
Do Harrison Ford and Calista Flockhart practice Tantra? With intention like that it sure looks like it.
Declare yourselves please!
Isn't it kind of strange that seeing these stars kiss with their eyes so open seems, well, different? You just don't see this much. What a shame we aren't more comfortable with such shameless connection and intimacy.
When I saw this photo on another site and the commentary said that they should be closing their eyes I was surprised. Are we so frightened of the 'other'? The intimacy? The blatant openness of their kiss? They are so present with each other. Isn't that the point?


Women's Tantric Breathing and Orgasm

Women's Tantric Breathing and Orgasm

Women who don't orgasm easily often hold their breath as they get more turned on. As they approach a kind of transition stage on the way to peak arousal, say a 7 or 8 on a scale of 10, they will often hold their breath, and then nothing happens.

The result is that the energy must be build up again, only to have the same thing happen repeatedly. It becomes difficult to smoothly transition to the next level of sensations.

As arousal gets going in women, they often will begin to breathe a little faster. If they become aware of their breath they can then begin to "drive" the experience by purposely doing faster focused breathing to increase blood flow and arousal.

It helps, exactly as meditation does, to focus the energy and move from a sense of separateness to one of being merged with the energy.

More on Tantric Breathing and all things Tantra can be viewed at: http://www.tantra.com


You Tube videos - 10 New Videos

From the extensive video collection on Tantra.com we've put up 10 short videos on YouTube.com under the guru name: Enlightened Sex.

Each of the short videos, which run from 1 to 3 minutes long, has me, Suzie, speaking about a practice or lesson taken from Tantric theory, the Kama Sutra, Taoism and modern sexuality information. They're pretty good and very informative. Go check them out. And please make comments and do some rating.

We'll have more in the future. go ahead and spread these around for now to friends and family if it's appropriate. Thanks!

Go to: EnlightenedSex
or Suzie Heumann


Key to Kama Sutra Position Angles

Key to Your Clitoris' Pleasure


Erotic Life and the Fun Factor

I recall my grandboys (3 and 7 years old) this last week playing wildly in the bathtub while they were staying with me. I remembered this morning, while in the shower, because my shaving cream I use for my legs was gone! Then I recalled cleaning the tub after they were out. It was a mess but what a great time they had had. There was soap squished in the drain, shave cream everywhere, foam stuck to the walls, rubber ducks and plastic frogs enmeshed in creative stances while covered in MY SHAVE CREAM.
What I thought of this morning, however, was "What has happened to me, as an adult, around play - no PLAYING?" Where does it go when we 'grow up'? And why should we succumb to societal pressures to avoid playing?
I believe that the element of playfulness is what is sometimes missing from relationships of the sexual love kind. We forget to play, to take ourselves and our lovers more casually and less personally. And this has everything to do with keeping novelty in a long term relationship.
To get to the profound nature of sexual love one must play to discover the millions of things to explore and grow by. Transformation does not happen when we don't move towards an edge we have or try something that we haven't before. Gently moving towards something that makes our heart flutter or our gut jump gives us the ability to say truly whether or not it is for us. How else are we to know? And if it is one partner who is always doing the suggesting and the other who is saying no, reverse the direction. As a couple, find ways to empower the person who is typically the 'no' person. This can be difficult sometimes but, again, it is about growth.
Sexual games can be empowering as can taking up a new practice like Tantric sexuality. Consider stretching your boundaries a little. Do it slowly and with purposeful play and I know that you will experience personal growth, a more connected relationship and laughter that brings with it a warm glow! Use some of that shaving cream up for some silly purpose!


Orgasm, Neurotransmitters & Valentine's Day

It’s a good time to be alive and in love. Scientists and researchers are finally beginning to study some of the things that cause us to fall head over heels in, or out for that matter, of love. And one of the great things that I am personally thrilled about is many of these new ‘discoveries’ corroborate the ideas and theories developed over the millennium by ancient societies that loved sex!

What better time to give you a few new insights into what makes love thrive than at that Valentine’s Day time of year. I’m hoping that this gives some of you new hope, new solutions to old problems, a new perspective, insights into your own love-machine or just some fun ideas to jump-start your romantic month ahead. There is a lot to cover so this will be an over-view but I can promise you that we’ll visit these subjects again, in more depth.

Desire: Finally research is being done with women, not just men, and the finds are pretty interesting. You knew of course, that almost 95% of women link sex with love, connectedness and that their partner likes them as a ‘person’. Many women report that they have a hard time getting excited about sex when they feel unattractive. And about 25% of women use sex to pull themselves out of a ‘depressed mood’. This activity has everything to do with brain chemicals.

Studies are also beginning to look at the details of the old Masters and Johnson cycle of desire, arousal, excitement, climax and resolution. They are finding that for women, arousal may occur before desire. This is subtle and pre-cognitive and it represents new thinking. Any one of her senses might be aroused. A woman might see, hear, remember, or feel a brush across her arm and within split seconds begin to be aroused. She may not notice cognitively that she is aroused, though, until a bit later when she is feeling desire. She might then go back to seek a bit more arousal to increase her desire levels before she moves on to the excitement phase, which is when more heavy petting, touching and genital contact would occur.

Brain imaging is helping to illuminate many different attributes of our body, mind and sexuality. This in turn can lead to education and practices to help us understand better what is happening in our bodes and to stay tuned-in to the more subtle signals from our brains. Tantric practices help develop presence and focus so that we can better pay attention to what we like, need, what turns us on and when it turns us on. Slow, loving build-ups with plenty of touch, kissing, breathing, eye gazing, teasing and playfulness strengthen and extend the build of energy. This physical build through sensual touch may be the better answer to female arousal and desire issues. We can better be the masters and mistresses of our own universe when we stay in the moment and pay attention to detail.

Neurotransmitters: During arousal, and the eventual sexual act, levels of the neurotransmitter Dopamine are increased to very high levels in the brain and body. This is a feel-good chemical. Upon orgasm (more precisely for men; ejaculation) the levels plummet to lower than their base-line levels, sometimes for up to a week or more. This can lead to many states of consciousness that are not the most desirable, for a person or their relationship, because of the loss of Dopamine. These can include anxiety, depression, and irritability. Men have a steeper decline than women. The Taoists prescribe male orgasm without ejaculation and I believe that this is the reason why, though they never had the science to identify Dopamine or the other neurotransmitters and hormones that course throughout our bodies. Along with the drop in Dopamine will go testosterone levels, one of the hormones that fuels passion and energy.

There’s an addictive quality to the Dopamine highs and lows that surround orgasm and ejaculation. On one hand the desire for the increased amount of Dopamine for that feel-good affect moves a person to seek sex but immediately after sex the low levels can cause a grouchy, irritable person/s to appear. These events may be separated far enough in time to not allow the mind to connect with what is happening to either the person or the ‘couple’.

While the Taoists had a good solution in non-ejaculation for men, and one that is important for Tantric practices as well, I believe that there is another practice that can help alleviate and mitigate the low part of the cycle. Not only does this practice keep the low part of the cycle at bay, it, in theory, would increase the levels of Dopamine and Oxytocin and keep them at elevated levels for as long as the practice is kept up. From personal experience, I can corroborate this.

First I’d like to explain Oxytocin and its importance in relationship before I describe the practice. Doctors considered Oxytocin to be the Love hormone. It is present in our bodies, in large amounts, when we give birth, nurse our babies and during orgasm (one out of three isn’t too bad men!). Scientists have recently discovered that it comes in smaller volumes at other times like when we smile, are friendly, crack a joke, laugh and so on. In other words it’s the social chemical, the bonding chemical, the glue that holds people together in friendship and in love.

Scientists have also recently discovered that Oxytocin improves our ability to interpret social cues, specifically through looking into the eyes of another. That means that the person ‘on’ Oxytocin can ‘read’ another person more accurately. Oxytocin is surely produced during lovemaking, eye gazing, laughing and being playful, breathing together while looking into the eyes of the beloved, touching and more. It bonds you to your lover/partner. You understand them better and can be more empathetic and caring.

Back to the practice I was mentioning. The practice to keep Oxytocin and Dopamine at high levels all the time is to make love three, or at least, two times a day. But only for just ten minutes, except for maybe in the evening. This is like going to the gym or reading the morning paper except that the benefits will be much greater for your relationship. The rules are that you end on time, that the man doesn’t ejaculate, that you have intercourse during this time with eyes wide open and that you breathe together. That’s it. So if you choose to ejaculate in the evening men then this practice will bring your Dopamine levels back up for the day. Women, if you orgasm fine, but because only about 15% of all women orgasm through intercourse alone, orgasm may not be a big worry for most of you. Regardless, I’m of the school that the more orgasms a woman has the better, so go for it. I think this out-ways the dip in Dopamine and actually connects you more to your partner. This is primarily because of the attention and loving attitude that surrounds this practice – the Oxytocin release! It’s the kind of thing women thrive on.

So, how does this inform our love-play? Do more of all these suggestions above. It’s about to be Valentine’s Day. How about designing a day around creating more Oxytocin? A deep talk over coffee in the morning with a lot of eye contact and laughing (this is of course after you make love but don’t ejaculate men). Make sure you find a topic that nudges you in this direction. Then go to a matinee and see a great movie that’s a comedy with a message. Then cook a simple, lovely light dinner together with both of you participating. Create an evening celebration of massage, erotic touch, Champaign and dessert and of course Tantric Sex!

Create an Erotic Valentine’s Evening of Your Own

Here are some links to past articles that may give you some ideas about inexpensive, wonderful ways to create your own unique Valentine’s Evening. Remember, eating large meals can dampen libido for quite a while so think about crafting a sensuous evening that might put dinner off the plate and into your fingers as you dance through a symphony of erotic, soul-satisfying moves. It isn’t too early to start planning so here you go with some ideas to jump-start your Love Day. Don’t forget - if you need a few extra-special items for your evening, you can get them here…