Creating Intimacy

Doing ‘things’ together does not equal intimacy. Intimacy is the act of showing one’s self to another. It is about being vulnerable and about revealing personal information about one’s self. Intimacy doesn’t occur just between lovers, either. Friends, co-workers, family members and neighbors all require different levels of intimacy. Being intimate with another person heals you and it helps heal them, too. We all want to feel connected, valued and meaningful to others. Scientists understand that it is what keeps us young at heart, healthy and living longer lives.

We think about intimacy as something that is primarily with our significant ‘other’ most often. Having a deep, intimate connection during sex is just about the most fulfilling thing that can happen for lovers. It’s about trusting yourself and your partner. When you give yourself over to vulnerable, open, playful sexuality, sexuality that gently pushes your edges and keeps you taking gentle risks, you see how sweet and easy deepening intimacy can be.

Some things you can do to help create more intimacy with anyone:

  • Softly eye gaze with another person for 5 minutes.
  • Tell something vulnerable to another person. This can be an apology or an admission of something you feel guilty about or a personal learning situation that was difficult for you.
  • Offer a helping hand to someone and then engage in conversation that is meaningful and stimulating and that revels something about you.
  • Play a truth telling game of any sort. There are some that are perfect for friends, families and even lovers. Try Dr. Susan Campbell’s Getting Real Game. You can find it here: http://www.susancampbell.com/products/games/index.html
  • With your lover, try setting up a time, say once a week, when you try something new out during lovemaking. It can be a new position, technique or place (like outside!). Talk about it later and each of you find at least one good thing and one not so good thing about it to revel.
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Kama Sutra – The Tsetse Fly

It’s been discovered that if you can stop the genial rubbing of the female tsetse fly then you can slow down the reproduction rate. Duh. (This is important because the tsetse fly carries sleeping sickness in African nations.)

Science Daily reports that: “By snipping off parts of male genitalia and reducing genital sensation in both male and female tsetse flies, researchers induced a suite of changes in female reproduction, including reduced ovulation and reduced sperm storage.

This is wonderful news, though I don’t know how scientists will stop the genital rubbing. How are they going to go around snipping off parts of the male’s genitals?

"The tsetse fly Kama Sutra is long and elaborate," said Eberhard, who described the 30-minute ritual during which the male rubs the underside of the female's abdomen with his hind legs, sings to her by buzzing his wings, rubs her eyes with his front legs, and so on. This sounds great – 30 minute foreplay!

William Eberhard is a staff scientist at the Smithsonian Tropical Research Institute and professor of biology at the University of Costa Rica. "We were surprised by the number of female processes that were influenced by modifying the stimuli received by the female from the male's genitalia," said Eberhard.

Science just doesn’t get women yet. There is a lot of catching up to do! But I object to the name ‘Kama Sutra’. It’s an inappropriate use of the name, don’t you think? Geesh. What’s the world coming to.

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“The only religion that ought to be taught is the religion of fearlessness.”
Swami Vivekananda

“Fear comes from the selfish idea of cutting one's self off from the universe.”

Swami Vivekananda

“Fear is man's greatest enemy, and it manifests itself in forms as diverse as shame, jealousy, anger, insolence, arrogance...What causes fear? Lack of confidence in oneself.”
Swami Prajnanpad

How does a person court fearlessness? Tantricas are known for saying that Tantra is about saying ‘Yes’ to everything. That’s scary if you think about it. But it doesn’t have to be so extreme. What is a little fear that you might tackle? How about during lovemaking? Find something that you would like to transform, to break through a cycle that you know isn’t serving you, and look at what it might take to change it.

As you get older two things can happen; you can either open up more or shut down more. If you begin asking questions about the source of a notion, idea or limitation often you can make a breakthrough that helps you take the next steps towards creating a new way of being or maybe even a practice. ‘Living well’ is an art form and can be perfected by taking small risks.

Maybe it’s about just saying ‘Yes’ sometimes too. Magic can happen when you stretch yourself beyond your comfort zone. You learn new things about yourself and that kind of experience can make you a bigger person. It creates more self-esteem and allows you to trust yourself more. Fearlessness grows on its self and expands you in ways that nothing else can.

The next time you find yourself about to say ‘No’ stop and ask yourself if this time you can say ‘Yes’ and feel good about it. If you can take the calculated risk then do, say ‘Yes’ and watch what happens. If you do it in baby steps things should go well!

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Keeping Intentions Grows Your Brain

I'm reading about and thinking about setting intentions and keeping intentions. It turns out that people who have more self-control have an area in their brains that is more highly developed than those who do not keep their promises to themselves. And because our brains are so 'plastic' it is possible for each of us to increase this area of our own brains by practicing more self-control. Ok, 3 choc-covered almonds, not five!

Why would we want to do this? Self-control sounds like a dirty word sometimes but if you finesse it to harness its power then you have a tool in your basket that can help you discern and stick to the kinds of things that will make you happier about your life and yourself.

A few researchers have discovered that we can actually increase the size of areas of our brain when we exercise them. This is a hot topic these days. Exercise simply means using them more and so the more you might use the dorsolateral prefrontal cortex (this is the area that is bigger in people who have more self-control) the better you will be at, well, using it to help yourself with the things you want.

What do you want? Do you want to study Tantra, have a successful dieting plan, add an exercise regimen to your life, grow your business or maybe go back to school? By planning and then executing your plan in a way that helps you to stick with it to make the most of your life you’ll be feeling good about yourself and helping your brain to grow too. By the way, if your answer included studying Tantra then you might want to investigate our learning area Tantra.com’s Premium Membership. It is designed to help you help yourself to knowledge and mastery. And it might even increase your brain size!

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