We Create Our Own Reality - What Are You Creating?

“The phrase ‘to meditate’ does not only mean ‘to examine, observe, reflect, question, wish’; it also has, in the Sanskrit, a more profound meaning, which is ‘to become’." Krishnamurti

To Become that which you practice is the ultimate goal. This idea then requires us to look at ‘what do we want to become?’ because what we do practice does in fact become us. I am thinking of the times I get frustrated with my husband. He, and I, then become ‘frustration’ unless I hold him in other ways that will counter that ‘practice’ of thinking of him in that way. When I think or ‘meditate’ on “He is so chaotic and stressed.” my guy becomes fixed as those things – chaos and stress. I must confess that it is rarer for me to think of him as ‘brilliant, productive and a hunk’ but he is those things too.

This is scary because quantum physicists pretty much believe that we are what we perceive - literally. We actually do create our world – all of us help perpetuate and create the cultures we live in, the family we grow, our personal life issues and even what Mother Earth looks like. It’s a bit difficult to fathom but this is rapidly becoming common thought today. We are creating everything we see before us.

If this is the case then what are we doing? And when will we wake up to it? Brain scientist and neurobiologists who study long-time meditators say that the neo-cortex of these people is thicker than the average person. The neo-cortex is our higher brain, the part that is the ‘executive’; the one who calls the conscious shots. People who meditate have become able to call on their higher selves better than those who do not meditate. They can calm themselves and stay rational if they need to.

Pretty amazing brains we have. They can grow and change and become what we want to make of them and therefore make of ourselves. Meditation doesn’t have to be hard. Dr. Richard Davidson, from the University of Wisconsin, believes that just one half hour of sitting in contemplation of love and compassion, every day, can add that bulk to each of our brains and make us wiser, calmer, more loving and less judgmental. Now that’s Becoming to me!

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Book recommends for those interested in the latest Sex Science

A while back I read May Roach’s Bonk. She’s a journalist who writes about interesting subjects with odd twists and a great sense of dry humor. Bonk is her third book and is about, well, bonking. In one of the chapters she discusses going to Europe with her husband and getting into an imaging machine that takes images of their interiors as they ‘bonk’. Yes, how the lingam meets and greets the yoni! There are a myriad of possibilities!

I want to volunteer! It would be so interesting, and of great importance, to explore subtle angle shifts related to G-spot, clitoral, and anterior fornix orgasms. Just what does it take to actualize vaginal orgasms for women? As I have always said, it’s all about discovering the right angles of penetration for each of us. We’re all different so even small, subtle changes in angle can make big differences.

Here’s a great over-view of the female sexual hot spots by none other than the famous Desmond Morris: . It’s the last line that is the most telling: “It has been claimed that two out of every three women fail to reach regular orgasms from simple penetrative sex. As mentioned above, most of them find that only digital or oral stimulation of the clitoris can be guaranteed to bring them to climax. This must mean that, for them, the two 'hot spots' inside the vagina are not living up to their name. The reason for this, it seems, is monotony in sexual positioning. A group of 27 couples were asked to vary their sexual positions experimentally, employing postures that would allow greater stimulation of the two vaginal 'hot spots', and it was found that three-quarters of the females involved were then able to achieve regular vaginal orgasms.”

I don’t know the origins of this study but I would love to know. If you know please let me know.

Here’s another book that looks good though I have not read it yet myself. I intend to. Sharon Moalem’s How Sex Works: Why We Look, Smell, Taste, Feel, and Act the Way We Do.

And a very good book, especially for those of you who are inclined to be a bit more scientific minded is: The Science of Sex by Beverly Whipple (the first G-spot book was co-written by her), Carlos Beyer-Flores & Barry Komisaruk.

Summer is coming. Time to make your reading lists.
I’ll take more suggestions if you have any…

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Free TeleSeminar today 4/22/09 3pm PST

I'm doing a FREE 60-70 minute TeleSeminar today. You can
sign-up here.
I'll be talking about Tantra and Tantric practices in addition to some neurobiology and the reasons why these practices work to expand our experiences and our brain chemistry. I'll be taking live questions on the call so sign-up and let's talk!

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Expanding Neural Networks Through Sex

In a Tantra.com survey from 2000, 2,400 people answered this question: “Have you ever had a mystical, out-of-body or Kundalini experience?” Twenty-four percent said ‘Yes’. Of that twenty-four percent, seven percent said they had had the experience during sexual activity. I have had two Kundalini experiences in my life and they both came directly after having had a long, Tantric sex ritual with my husband. They came right after sex and I have always attributed them to the expansion and openness I felt after the long, ritual sexual experiences.

In neural science there is a concept called ‘gating’. If you imagine a gateway and hordes of people trying to get through it from one side, it’s obvious that only, say, five people can get through at a time no matter what you do. But if the gate is made bigger more people can get through and more quickly, too. This is the concept at work when we ‘train’ our body/mind/soul to receive more; more pleasure and a greater capacity for experiencing any given moment in time. The more we receive, enjoy, acknowledge and repeat an experience the more our gates grow and open to receive more of it. And the more we can remain in the ‘present’ with the experience the more we can use it to train ourselves to pay attention in life.

You'll just have to have some long sex rituals and open up YOUR gates to see if this is true!

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The Curious Association of The G-spot and The Upper Palate

I often teach that to find where the G-spot is, and how it might feel, you can simply put your thumb in your mouth and feel the rougher, ridged area just beyond your teeth, on the top part of your mouth. Beyond that ridged area is the upper palate and halfway between the upper palate and the ridges is the area that is analogous to the G-spot. There is actually a slightly raised area that is even kidney bean shaped, as is often reported of the G-spot. I find it fascinating that the upper palate seems so close in structure to the vagina and G-spot area.

The upper palate area is filled with nerve endings. Try putting your little vibrator up there sometime and see how it feels! Obviously suckling and eating creates the evolutionary nerve aspects of the sensitivity of the mouth. The erotic feeling of sucking, whether it be some aspect of the anatomy like a nipple, penis or thumb, was developed during infancy to not only create a sensory experience while eating but to provide intimacy training for mother (or primary care giver) and child. The ‘bonding’ chemical oxytocin is produced during nursing and the accompanying eye gazing that occurs between mother and child trains the baby to seek the intimacy of faces, and specifically the eyes, as it grows older. Interestingly, oxytocin is also produced during orgasm.

The upper palate is also the area you place your tongue during advanced breath, energy and meditation work. The tip of the tongue points straight to the fontanel at the top of the head (the ‘soft’ spot) and opens up the nadis or energy channels. During Tantric sex certain positions have the ability to facilitate the movement of energy upwards, too. Positions that apply pressure from the head of the penis onto the G-spot area are particularly affective. Again, there seems to be the potential of a G-spot in the vagina and one in the mouth too.

I discovered this quite a few years back and have never heard anyone else refer to it before. I love oral sex and had wondered why that might be so. Yes, I love to eat, so that is a part of it, but I have noticed that during oral sex it's the slow out-stroke that always gets me. It's the same with intercourse. The long, slow out-stroke is the one that triggers orgasm for me. So what is it about these two very similar areas of the body? Why are they so similar in construction and what might that mean for our pleasure and our ability to build and expand erotic energy? I would love to have feedback from anyone who has experienced orgasm through mouth contact or who recognizes the connection of both G-spot orgasms and erotic stimuli in the mouth too.

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