Creating Intimacy

Doing ‘things’ together does not equal intimacy. Intimacy is the act of showing one’s self to another. It is about being vulnerable and about revealing personal information about one’s self. Intimacy doesn’t occur just between lovers, either. Friends, co-workers, family members and neighbors all require different levels of intimacy. Being intimate with another person heals you and it helps heal them, too. We all want to feel connected, valued and meaningful to others. Scientists understand that it is what keeps us young at heart, healthy and living longer lives.

We think about intimacy as something that is primarily with our significant ‘other’ most often. Having a deep, intimate connection during sex is just about the most fulfilling thing that can happen for lovers. It’s about trusting yourself and your partner. When you give yourself over to vulnerable, open, playful sexuality, sexuality that gently pushes your edges and keeps you taking gentle risks, you see how sweet and easy deepening intimacy can be.

Some things you can do to help create more intimacy with anyone:

  • Softly eye gaze with another person for 5 minutes.
  • Tell something vulnerable to another person. This can be an apology or an admission of something you feel guilty about or a personal learning situation that was difficult for you.
  • Offer a helping hand to someone and then engage in conversation that is meaningful and stimulating and that revels something about you.
  • Play a truth telling game of any sort. There are some that are perfect for friends, families and even lovers. Try Dr. Susan Campbell’s Getting Real Game. You can find it here: http://www.susancampbell.com/products/games/index.html
  • With your lover, try setting up a time, say once a week, when you try something new out during lovemaking. It can be a new position, technique or place (like outside!). Talk about it later and each of you find at least one good thing and one not so good thing about it to revel.
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1 comment:

Diana Daffner, Author, Tantric Sex for Busy Couples said...

At the Intimacy Retreats my husband and I lead, we encourage couples to understand that intimacy means into-me-see, as in the words to this song:

When I look into you I see...
A mirror that shows me to me...
What we "see" in another is so often a reflection of what is in our own heart or mind. Her song continues..

You are the Light, Shining so bright, Bringing true into-me-see!*In growth work, including Tantra, we are taught to take responsibility and ownership for the way we see the world. Discovering and revealing personal information about ourselves can include revealing the love that is within us. If our own Light is shining brightly, and we reveal it, we will see it magnified all around us!

*from The Lady of the Lake CD,
© ElaineSilver.com